Stockings

Roughly 60 years ago, my grandmother started a tradition of making stockings for family members. It began by making stockings for her three children. She later said that if she’d had any idea what she was signing herself up for, she would never have made the first one.

From left to right: my sister's (made by Grandma), my brother-in-law's, my niece's with the coordinating mittens, and my other sister's (also made by Grandma)

Each stocking is individual yet follows a common theme. The fabric is red velvet with white fur trim on top. The family member’s name is on the front in green felt secured with sequins (the tradition started in the era of sequins). There is almost always a train underneath a Christmas tree. Aside from that, there are wide variations.

When I lived with my grandmother after college, she taught me how to make these stockings. I’ve made about a dozen in the last ten years – for cousins’ spouses when they got married, my cousins’ babies, my brother-in-law, and my husband. This year I made two, one for my niece and one for my daughter.

I had not started Isabella’s before she was born. If I had, it would likely have slightly different elements. On the front I put a white dove instead of the traditional snowman. I added gloves that are similar to the gloves on my niece’s stocking from this year. The embroidery on Isabella’s mittens is an “I” with a small cross through it. Inside the mittens are notes my husband I wrote to her on paper and included before the mittens were sewn shut.

Isabella's, my husband's, mine (made by Grandma)

The back of hers is also unique. I included a reindeer and sleigh for the first time because I was excited to introduce to her the magic and imagination of Santa. The reindeer is flying over a full moon since she was born on the full moon. (The moon was one of the most time-consuming aspects of the project; who knew a circle needed so much detail to be recognizably a moon?) There is also an angel (which is common on these stockings) above a New Mexican themed church.

Back of Isabella's stocking

Working on both her and my niece’s stockings was healing. I prayed for my niece and her parents as I made hers. I prayed that she and her father would come to know the Lord, I prayed she would live to be in her 90s, healthy, with the joy of family and friends. I also prayed that she will one day, many decades in the future, bury her parents. Because that means they did not bury her. 

While I sewed Isabella’s stocking, I also prayed. I thanked God for giving her to us, I prayed God would continue to use her story for his glory, that we would have more children who bury us one day, for our hearts to know peace and healing, and that God would tell her we loved her and that we would see her again.

The stockings take an astonishing number of hours to make, so in addition to prayer, I listened to music, listened to most of a sermon series on Ecclesiastes, watched a few episodes of a show (sewing is so much slower when dividing attention between two visual tasks), and enjoyed quietly sitting by my husband.

Since we had always pictured experiencing Christmas with our daughter this year and in the future, my husband and I decided to start some traditions to include Isabella in Christmas. On Christmas Eve, we set out Isabella’s stocking along with the rest of them and asked that family members write her a note and put it in. Each year we will place a small stone or rock in her stocking that we pick up sometime throughout the year. Every December we will empty it and have a visual representation of the number of Christmases she has been gone from us. This year we put in a small ocean rounded stone I picked up on a beach in Washington a few weeks after her funeral. On Christmas day we lit a white pillar candle in memory of her. This year, both of my sisters surprised us with thoughtful ornaments in her stocking.

These ornaments are on our tree along with five others given to us by friends and family. Consistent with the rest of this year, we had minimal enthusiasm when it came time to decorate the house for Christmas, but wanted to somehow mark the Christmas season. Shortly after Thanksgiving, we had the energy to put up our tree and string the lights, but could not muster any desire to unbox our ornaments or any other items. Our tree is up, has lights, and (less than ten) ornaments. A success. 

Looking forward, I imagine that we will hang up Isabella’s stocking for many years. God willing and we have more children and they survive, one day they will likely get married and no longer celebrate each Christmas with us. Will we still put out her stocking when our other children’s stockings are not displayed alongside ours? I don’t know. I don’t need to make that decision for at least 27 more years. I keep reminding myself, "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."