Six Months Closer

A friend and fellow Hope Mommy introduced me to the concept of "amount of time closer." Isabella would be almost six months old and we said goodbye to her almost six months ago. Instead of saying, "Isabella has been gone for six months," I can say, "I'm six months closer to seeing Isabella again."

The movement of time since June is difficult to describe. Many days are long and some are still brutal. Yet I also find myself looking at the clock and wondering how the day went by so quickly. Even more so than the days, the weeks are flying by. How is it December? How have almost six months passed since I last felt my daughter move within me and held her in my arms for the first time?

When I mentioned "six months closer" to my mom, she said that it is a balm now but will not be as comforting once we have more children. This may very well be true. Once we have more children and, God willing, they survive, I will have hearts anchoring me to the earth. Children to hold in my arms. Children who, I pray daily, will outlive me by at least three decades. (Isn't it amazing how prayers change once one buries a child?)

Even if the concept of "amount of time closer" is not as reassuring in five years when we have more children, it will not change the fact that time keeps moving. And time will continue to move on. When I reflect back on how Isabella's life and death have changed me, I want people to see God changing me to reflect Christ. I desire my life to be characterized by love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. The fruits of the spirit. I would rather praise God that I am 25 years closer to seeing my daughter, than to rage against the fact that I have not held her in my arms in 25 years. 

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