Some days are just brutal

For whatever reason, today was one of them. One of those days that I'm fragile, exhausted, cry easily, have no energy for additional interactions, and want to curl up under the table for a decade or so. My eyelashes look like spider legs because I have cried so many times. 

Nothing far out of the ordinary happened. Work seems more stressful and negative this year than previous years. I'm not the only one at work that thinks so. 

It's a Friday - Isabella was born on a Friday. Yesterday was the full moon - she was born on the full moon. She would have been four months next week. 

Someone at work gave me flowers, and I completely lost it. Luckily, I was in my office and was done seeing kids for the day.

Two friends today posted on Facebook that they just had babies. Healthy, living babies (thank you God, this is a hard road that I would wish on no one.) I have two other friends due next week. 

This time last year, I was at my 10th college reunion. I was pregnant, and did not even know it yet. Looking back at photos of us, we both look young, happy, and innocent - we had no idea what the next year held for us, both the joy and the pain. 

Next week is our 9th wedding anniversary. Months ago we had assumed we would either stay home to celebrate or get a baby sitter and go out. If we got a sitter, we knew we would both be anxious to get back home. We don't need a baby sitter. 

Looking back at what I've written, there are some reasons that today was harder than others. 

I spent some time at Isabella's grave today, crying and letting her know we love her and miss her.